


It's Over, Isn't It

by yellowflowers



Category: jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, But mostly angst, Fluff and Angst, Jelix - Freeform, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Love, Septicpie, Septiplier - Freeform, Sort Of, Unrequited Love, and all the fics i read had felix as a bad/abusive boyfriend, and i'm like nah man i don't dig that, so i didn't make him an asshole in this one, this fic was also partly made bc i had a jelix phase once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 12:30:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16933296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowflowers/pseuds/yellowflowers
Summary: -----Jack has made a new friend which is great! But how does Mark cope when Jack becomes more-than-friends with this guy?It's troubling as it seems that Mark's feelings are not solely platonic. Especially so, as it seems those feelings aren't returned.-----





	It's Over, Isn't It

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't uploaded in a hot minute but I wanted to crank one out before the end of the year so here! It's been a wip for the longest time but hey it's finally done, so I hope y'all enjoy it!
> 
> This fic was greatly inspired by Connie McFalcon's septiplier animation, so check out her work! It's fantastic!

\-----

 

Mark jerked up at the sound of the key turning the lock. He hadn't meant to fall asleep on the couch, but now he’s got a mean crick in his neck for it. Rubbing his sore neck, he yawned and glanced at his watch. [ _1:47 a.m._ ] He groaned and faced the front door, maybe a little peeved at having been woken up, but then again, no one had asked him to wait up for his roommate. If it was anyone's fault, it was own. But still.

Jack stumbled into the dark living room, having to force the door open.

“Stupid door is always getting stuck. So loud.” Jack grumbled. He stepped quietly and he closed the door slowly, wincing a bit at how it squeaked. Mark watched with small amusement from his spot on the couch. As the door shut, Mark reached up to switch on the lamp beside him.

“Do you know how late it is, young man?”

Jack yelped and whirled around. Clutching his chest, he breathed out “Jesus, Mark! You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

Mark chuckled as Jack continued. “I thought you were asleep! What are you doing here?”

“Um, I live here? I can sleep wherever and whenever I damn well please.

Jack arched an eyebrow.

“Also, you were gone for a really long time, so I was worried.”

“You could have texted me. Or called. Instead of trying to scare me to death.” Jack pouted as he rubbed his chest.

“Check your phone.”

Jack pulled out his phone from his back pocket. He gave Mark a sheepish smile as he saw the numerous texts and calls that he had missed. “Oh. Heh, sorry. I had my phone on silent.”

Mark waved off his apology. “Where were you anyway?”

Jack flushed a bit. “Uhh... I was out getting drinks with a work friend. His name is Felix.” He sighed. “Man, he’s so... I don’t know how to describe him. But he’s a cool guy, I really like him.”

“Yeah? More than me?”

“We'll see.”

“Rude. And after I was so worried about you all night,” Mark pouted.

“Aww, you waited up for me? That's so sweet, you big softie.”

“Shut up.”

“You know you love me.” Jack flashed him a cheeky grin.

“Yeah, yeah. C'mon I'm tired, it's past bedtime.”

“Yeah alright.”

They bade each other goodnight and went to their respective bedrooms.

Mark was restless and sleep eluded him. He couldn't pinpoint exactly why his chest felt heavy all of a sudden. Was it anger? That didn’t make sense. Jack is his own person, he’s allowed to have other friends if he wants to.

_‘But why didn't he tell me?..’_

Mark rolled over in bed and pushed that thought away. It was late and he needed sleep. Besides, he was probably just overthinking this. They’re work buddies who went for a drink occasionally. There’s nothing wrong with that, right? It’s fine, it’s all good.

Comforted, Mark began to drift away in sleep.

\-----

“Later Mark!”

The door shut and Mark was left alone. Again. He sighed. Apparently, they weren’t just casual work buddies anymore; they had become good friends, Jack and this “Felix” guy.

Jack was thrilled at having developed a friendship with this guy, he went all starry-eyed whenever he talked about him. It was weird to see.

The weight in Mark’s chest was getting heavier every time he thought of the two. What was it? It’s not like Jack hasn’t had other friends before, so why was he making such a big deal out of this?

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Maybe he should just get to know him. Yeah, maybe he’s just feeling left out of this “awesome” friendship that the two seemed to have. Mark resolved to ask Jack if they could all hang out somewhere to get to know each other. Yeah, that would make everything better!

\-----

It made everything worse. Jack had brought him along to one of their drinking nights and it made everything so much worse.

The night had started out alright. He was finally introduced to Felix and he found out that he really wasn’t a bad guy at all. Sure, things were a bit awkward at first, but Mark soon found himself loosening up. Felix’s dry wit made for a sense of humor that had Mark and Jack in tears through their first couple of rounds.

Mark’s chest felt lighter and maybe this was what he was missing out on. Felix would make a real good friend. Maybe this is what they could be, the three amigos, an inseparable trio!

But as the night wore on, Mark could only focus on Jack. The warm dim lighting of the bar made Jack’s skin look flush and his blue eyes twinkled. His hair looked so soft and his lips-

“Mark, what are you staring at there buddy?” Felix’s voice broke his reverie.

Mark snapped back to glare at him, finding a smirk and a mischievous glint in his eyes. Felix spoke before Mark could get a word in.

“You got bedroom eyes for Jack? What, you got a crush on him or something?”  

Felix and Jack cackled while Mark could only give a weak chuckle. He could feel heat creeping into his cheeks and he hoped that the low lighting would be enough to hide his blush. The weight in his chest returned, feeling heavier than ever.

Jack and Felix continued to drink and laugh, sharing stories and jokes. Mark found himself a little more withdrawn than he was before and decided it would be to everyone’s benefit if he were to cut off his own alcohol intake. Someone should stay somewhat sober for their sakes.

Eventually, they decided that it was getting late and it was time to go their separate ways. They walked out of the bar, Felix’s arm slung around Jack’s shoulders while Mark trailed behind them.

There was an uber waiting for Felix already, but Mark and Jack had opted to walk home since it was so close by anyway.

They said their goodbyes and left.

Jack stumbled and giggled the whole way home.

“SO Mark,” Jack drawled. “What’d ya think of Felix? He’s preeetty cool, isn’t he? Didn’t I tell ya he was cool?”

“Yeah, he was cool. He’s funny, at least.” Mark replied honestly.

“Ya see! He’s cool and funny and handsome…,” Jack trailed off.

Mark sputtered. “H-handsome? He’s handsome now?”

“Pfft he’s always handsome, he’s a good-looking guy don’t ya think?”

“I mean I guess,” Mark said a bit put out.

Jack didn’t hear the hint of irritation in Mark’s tone. “He’s got a really nice smile….. His eyes are the most pretty I think, they’re beautiful baby blues-”

“But you have all of that stuff too!” Mark quickly interrupted him.

Jack turned and looked at him like he had given him the world. “You think I’m pretty??”

“I-I mean yeah. You’re uh pretty good looking too, y’know?” Mark felt heat paint his cheeks and was glad that it was dark enough to be hidden.

Jack flung himself onto Mark, wrapping his arms around him. “AW Mark!! Thank you so much, you’re the best!!”

Mark was certain Jack could hear how his heart pounded in his chest and he sighed, patting Jack on the back. “No problem Jack.”

They continued on their trek home and neither of them said anything if Jack kept an arm around Mark’s waist.

\-----

“Mark… hey buddy,” Jack nudged him.

Mark stirred before waking up. “What time is it?” he groaned as he sat up.

“It’s 9. I just came home and found you crashed out on the couch. Did you spend the night here?” Jack asked concernedly.

“I guess so,” Mark stretched and sighed as his spine popped.

“Dude, I told you not to wait up for me. This couch is gonna kill you,” Jack said, guilt heavy in his words and face.

“Ah don’t worry about it. I’m still young and spry-ish,” Mark huffed as more joints cracked.

He followed Jack into the kitchen. “So what did you and Felix get up to last night?”

Jack’s reaction was immediate, his entire face flushed red as he choked on nothing. It was only then that Mark noticed how wrinkled Jack’s clothes are. How his creased shirt was doing a bad job at covering the hickeys that marked his neck.

Mark felt his heart drop so hard that he was sure it left a dent in the floor.

“Oh, I get it. You guys had a… real good time then, huh?” Mark quickly plastered on a smile for Jack.

Jack laughed a little too loudly. “Ha! Yeah, we did…” he trailed off as he stuck his head in the fridge.

“So are you guys like… official then?”

“Yeah, we are,” Jack smiled. “He asked me last night if I wanted to be boyfriends and… yeah,” he sighed with dreamy eyes, “We’re together now.”

“Well... I’m glad for you,” Mark said with a tight smile, “At least one of us had a good night.”

He turned to leave.

“Mark? Are you okay?”

He waved him off. “Yeah just tired. I’m gonna take a nap. Good morning.”

“Good morning, Mark,” Jack smiled.

Mark walked off, determined not to crumble until he was safe in his bed behind a locked door.

\-----

Mark watched as golden hues began to seep into the sky through his window.

He’d spent nearly the whole day sulking and brooding away in his room and for what? It's been a couple months since Jack and Felix became a couple, but Mark still felt so awful whenever he thought about it. But why? Why why why why WHY?!

Suddenly infuriated, Mark threw a punch at the wall. He hissed and immediately retracted his hand, his frustration still simmering because he _does_ know why.

He’d have to be incredibly dense to not know why at this point. He just didn't know what to do about it.

But something definitely needed to change. Preferably before he went insane over this.

“Mark!? What was that? You ok?” Jack shouted, having heard Mark's violence. He knew Mark had been in a mood for the day so he opted to give him some space, but he wasn’t going to ignore Mark possibly being hurt.

“Yeah, I'm fine!” He shouted back, rubbing his knuckles. An idea popped into his head, his irritation suddenly bubbling into excitement. “Hey, do you wanna do something?”

A pause followed until Jack opened the door to Mark's room. “Like what?”

“I remembered that there’s a small carnival near downtown. You wanna go be part of the ruckus?” Mark smiled.

“Sure!” Jack grinned, catching Mark’s sudden enthusiasm. “What, right now?”

“Yeah, why not!”

Jack hurried to put his shoes on while Mark fussed with his hair. He wanted to look his best for his evening with Jack.

They quickly got ready and sped over to the lively carnival, their excitement heightened with the sparkling lights and the commotion of people.

They paid for tickets and joined the masses.

“Where should we start?” Jack asked eagerly.

“I don’t know!” Mark laughed. A brightly lit booth caught his eye and he nudged Jack. “What about over there?”

“Let's go!”

They rushed over to the booth and tried their hand at the milk bottle toss, but are ultimately bested.

“I would’ve totally gotten the last one if you hadn’t “accidentally” elbowed me,” Jack pouted.

“Oh yeah, sure you would’ve,” Mark elbowed him again, “Just like how you would’ve totally won the first two if the wind hadn’t decided to blow east instead of west.”

“Yeah exactly. Hey, how about that one?” Jack pointed to a ring toss.

They trotted over to the ring toss booth. “10 rings to win? Too easy,” Jack boasted.

“Awfully confident of yourself there, aren’t you? How about this: last one to get to 10 has to buy the winner a funnel cake.” Mark proposed.

“You’re on,” Jack smirked.

They paid for their rings and hurriedly tossed them out. They elbowed each other, laughing and generally doing their best to distract the other from the goal. Rings flew everywhere, some of them ricocheting off the bottles and hitting them back.

They ran out of rings. Mark got 3, Jack got 4.

“Rematch!”

“Rematch!”

They paid for more rings. They took a little more time, concentrated on actually playing the game.

“Hey Mark.”

“Yeah?” Mark replied, not looking his way. He was on his 9th ring and just needed one more for that sweet funnel cake. His tongue stuck out in concentration as he deftly threw a ring. It missed.

“I’d like my funnel cake with strawberries and whipped cream please.”

“Huh?” Mark looked over just in time to see Jack whip around and throw a ring behind his back. It flipped across the top of a bottle, but the momentum was enough for it to catch the neck of the bottle next to it.

“Yes! Whoo!” Jack cheered over Mark’s incredulous cry of “Bullshit!”

The booth worker gestured to the large stuffed animals on the prize display.

Jack quickly glanced over the selection before picking out a decent sized, pale green shark.

“Thanks!” Jack hugged the shark and turned around to see Mark with his phone out, recording the whole thing.

“Hey!” Jack and Mark laughed. Mark saved it and snapped a quick picture of Jack smiling with his shark.

“Oh, that’s precious. I’ll tag you in this one,” Mark giggled.

“You better! Now let’s get my victory cake,” Jack linked arms with him and Mark grinned, feeling light as a feather.

Jack nudged him. “Hey, I want you to have this,” he pushed the shark into Mark’s side.

“What? No, why?” he asked with a puzzled smile.

“I dunno. Just take it ok? Think of it as a consolation prize,” Jack stuck his tongue out as Mark grasped the soft shark.

“Consolation prize,” Mark scoffed. “Yeah sure, whatever you say, you goober,” he beamed.

They got Jack’s funnel cake, which he graciously shared with Mark, and they head off deeper into the carnival before Mark pointed out a game.

“The High Striker?” Jack said incredulously. “What, you wanna show off your manly muscles to make up for your devastating loss?”

“Hell yeah. You wanna play?” Mark smirked.

“Sure. What are the stakes this time?” They made their way to the game and paid their tickets to the booth worker.

“Winner gets a kiss on the cheek?” Mark said teasingly.

Jack made a face making Mark laugh. “Ok ok, the winner gets a big ol’ bag of popcorn to munch on, courtesy of the loser. How’s that?”

“Nice, more food for me then,” Jack smirked. He grabbed the mallet and took his position in front of the game.

He swung down. The puck reached halfway up the bar.

“Shit, this is harder than I thought,” Jack chuckled.

“Whooo! Look at that strong sexy man! Mm!” Mark wolf-whistled.

“Shut up!” Jack laughed, red-faced. He swung again. Again, the puck only reached midway up the bar.

“Booo! Give us a show, macho man!”

“Shut the fuck up!” Jack giggled uncontrollably. He swung again but missed the mark, barely dinging it with how much he was laughing.

“Fuck you Mark!”

“I mean, I’m down if you’re down,” Mark winked, feeling bolder by the minute. “Now hand it over!”

Jack tried to pout as he handed him the mallet, but he couldn’t keep it for long. “Let’s see what you’ve got then!”

Mark sashayed his way over to the game, much to Jack’s amusement, and readied himself.

He swung down. The puck bounced up to the halfway point.

“I can already taste my victory popcorn. Yum!” Jack smacked his lips loudly.

“Nah nah, I was just warming up, watch this,” Mark rolled his shoulders confidently.

Maybe a little too confidently as he lifted the mallet up and over his head and quickly swung down, stumbling forward a bit. The mallet hit the dirt with a dull thunk; he missed the mark by a foot.

“Some fucking warm-up!” Jack cackled.

Mark whipped around to see him with his phone out, recording the whole thing.

“HEY!” He sped towards the camera as Jack broke down in a fit of laughter, quickly saving the video before Mark could get his hands on it.

“I’m definitely tagging you in that one,” Jack wheezed.

“Shut up,” Mark laughed, “I’ll show you. I’ll show all of you!”

He strutted back to the high striker and called out over his shoulder to Jack. “Are you watching?”

Jack proudly gave him a thumbs up as he recorded. “Do me proud baby boy!”

Mark quickly turned around because he definitely didn’t need video proof of how flushed he turned at Jack’s pet name, but damn if it didn’t put the biggest smile on his face.

With his heart soaring, he readied the mallet and fiercely slammed it down.

_DING!_

“Oh shit, you actually won!” Jack laughed in disbelief as he pocketed his phone.

“I can’t believe you ever doubted me,” Mark smirked as he picked out a cuddly red squid plushie as his prize.

“Now let’s go get some popcorn,” he smiled. “But here, take care of this for me, will ya?” he offered the squid to Jack.

“You’re giving this to me?” Jack asked incredulously.

“Yeah. Consolation prize and all,” Mark winked.

Jack rolled his eyes and grabbed the squid, hugging it tightly. “Thanks.”

They shared Mark’s victory popcorn. After some consideration, they decided it’d be best if they stuck close to ground level instead of going up on the crazier rides, wanting to take it easy.

They opted for the bumper cars, going head to head as they sped around the track, their competitive streak still strong. They tried their hand at the fun houses, seeing who could get out the fastest, only to end up literally crashing into each other in their rush to the exit.

They decided to call it quits on the whole competition thing. They hopped from ride to ride, going twice on the teacups! They spun so fast that gravity had pushed down on them and they couldn’t stop laughing and giggling to save their lives.

Heads spinning and sides sore, they decided to take it easy on the ferris wheel before heading home.

They chat and banter when they step into the cabin and they hardly even notice that they’re halfway to the top until Jack stiffened.

“This is uh, kinda high up isn’t it?” He chuckled nervously as he took in the view from his seat, “ _Really_ high up…”

“Oh man I’m sorry,” Mark apologized, worry etched into his face, “I knew you don’t like heights, but I thought you were ok with it when you didn’t say anything. I didn’t mean to assume.”

“I mean I’m normally ok this high up, it’s just the structural integrity of the ride that I’m worried about,” Jack's eyes glanced anxiously around the cabin.

“Well if it’s carried me and my big ass noggin this far, then I think it’s fairly safe. By carnival standards at least,” Mark smiled.

Jack breathily laughed but he still clung a little tighter to his stuffed squid.

Mark set his shark to the side and lifted his arm “C’mere.”

Jack eyed him dubiously and Mark laughed, “I don’t have cooties, I swear.”

Jack rolled his eyes but he smiled anyway as he scooted over. Mark rested his arm securely around Jack’s shoulders, hoping Jack felt comforted instead of obligated to do this.

His worries were quelled when he heard a soft “Thanks.”

He turned to Jack and for an awful moment, Mark was sorely tempted to lean in and kiss his temple. It’d be a perfect, simple little peck and it’d mean everything he couldn’t describe with words. The overwhelmingly simple love he had for the man pressed into his side filled his heart and he was content.

They had quieted down and watched the lights of the carnival give way to the lights of the city on the horizon and it was _so_ easy to pretend that it was just them in their own little bubble; too easy to pretend that this moment they had together would last forever.

They slowly inch upwards until they were finally at the top. Mark breathed in the crisp air, mellowed out by the warmth of Jack’s body. His fingers absently traced shapes on Jack’s arm.

“It’s so pretty,” Jack spoke up, breaking the silence. They gazed out on the horizon, the city lights glittering as the breeze carried over them.

Mark glanced at Jack out of the corner of his eye. “It’s gorgeous,” he smiled softly.

Jack shifted to face him. “I-”

Everything stopped as Mark and Jack locked eyes. The velvety night sky made Jack’s eyes deep and sparkling, the warm carnival lights made him look soft to the touch.

For a terrible second, Mark wondered what would happen if Jack wasn’t taken right now.

Would this have been the moment Mark confessed what he felt?

Would this have been when Jack said he returned his affections?

Would they have finally kissed here, up and away from the earth down below?

Mark could only stare as scenarios flitted through his mind, his heart stuttering in his chest. His arm tightened a little around Jack, pulling him an inch closer and he was so close to doing something _really stupid_ when Jack’s eyes widened just a fraction.

He shifted away a bit, turning away from Mark, back to the view.

He cleared his throat. “I just- uh, I just wanted to say that I’m really glad you’re my friend.”

Mark’s throat tightened suddenly. “You mean that?”

Jack smiled nervously. “I would've hoped you already knew that, but I guess I’ve never actually told you out loud. I know we haven’t been able to hang out like this in a while and it’s kinda my fault, but I wanted you to know.”

He faced Mark this time and steadfastly met his gaze. “You’re my best friend Mark and I love and care about you a lot. I hope that never changes.”

Mark pulled Jack in for a real hug and held him tight.

“You sap,” Mark chuckled, albeit a little choked up. “You’re my best friend too. I’m really glad you’re still here with me after all these years.”

“Me too,” Jack huffed as he patted Mark’s back.

The ferris wheel began to slowly move down again and the two broke apart from the hug. They sat in comfortable silence as they gently made their way down back to earth.

They got off the ride and after getting some food for the road, they headed home.

Plopping down on the couch, they dug into their food with some Netflix and when they were well and truly tired, they headed to their bedrooms.

“Thanks for tonight Mark. Good night,” Jack smiled.

“Good night, Jack,” Mark nodded.

Mark changed into his sleep clothes and settled under the covers, holding his green shark next to him. It was a bit dirty so it’d have to be washed, but it smelled like a good time.

He grinned as he remembered the events of the night. It was a lot more fun than he had expected and he was glad Jack had agreed to come on such short notice.

Mark’s heart raced as he remembered their talk in the ferris wheel.

Jack thought of him as his best friend. Jack cared about him. Jack loved him.

He clutched the plush shark closer and nearly giggled.

They were best friends… friends… yeah…

Just as quickly as his heart had leapt, it had stilled.

Friends… it stung him more than it should have.

Which is stupid because he’s grateful, honored even, that Jack thought so highly of him.

But a little bitter part of him thought that it wasn’t fair that he was only a friend, still only a friend after all these years.

Can’t Jack see that no one knew him like Mark did? That no one understood him like Mark did, loved him like Mark did?

Mark stopped those ugly thoughts in their tracks and immediately scrubbed them from his mind.

That’s not how love worked and he knew that.

He was better than this.

He turned away from the shark and promised to fight against those selfish thoughts. He wouldn’t let them take over. He wouldn’t do that to Jack.

They both deserved better than that.

Exhausted, he shut his eyes and slept well into the next morning.

\-----

“Hey Mark,” greeted Felix.

“Hey man,” Mark stepped aside to let him in, “Jack! Your boyfriend’s here!” he shouted.

“I’ll be out in a minute!” Jack’s muffled voice shouted back.

“Make yourself at home,” Mark said casually, offering Felix a seat.

“Thanks,” They sat down on opposite ends of the couch. “Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure, about what?”

“It's about Jack.”

Mark froze just for a split second, but he was sure that Felix had noticed. Shit. “Yeah? What about him?” Mark asked, changing the channels on the TV so he wouldn’t have to look at Felix.

There was a long and heavy pause, forcing Mark to turn to him.

Felix was staring at him.

Mark shifted and fidgeted with the remote in his hands.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked tentatively.

Felix sighed, a weary look shadowed his face. “I don’t know how to put this delicately, so I’ll just say it outright. I know you like Jack.”

Mark’s hands clutched the remote. “Of course I like him, I wouldn’t live with him if I didn’t,” he replied stiffly.

“You know what I mean Mark.”

_Shit._

“Listen,” Felix shuffled a bit closer, “I’m not here to put you on the spot or whatever. You’re a really good guy and I just wanted to clear the air between us. I’m sure we can still be friends without it being awkward.”

Mark cleared his throat, trying to get a grip on himself.

“How did you know?” He focused on the remote in his hands.

“I can read between the lines, Mark. You aren’t as subtle as you think you are.”

Fuck. Does that mean...

“Does Jack-?”

“No, I don’t think he knows. I won’t tell him if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Thanks… I guess,” Mark said weakly. He thinks he’s gonna be sick.

Felix held out a fist to Mark, “Are we cool?”

Mark unclenched a hand from the remote and raised it to fist bump Felix. “Yeah, we’re cool,” he said a bit hoarsely.

“Alright, I’m ready to go!” Jack came bounding into the living room, bright as ever.

“Cool,” Felix got up to join him, but Jack faltered a bit.

“Mark? You ok? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Jack asked.

Mark snapped his head up and almost couldn’t bear the soft concern in Jack’s eyes.

He thought about saying the truth, just telling Jack everything he should have from the start.

How would they react? What would they do?

What would Sean do if Mark laid his bare heart out to him?

He could feel the words ready to spill over his lips. He opened his mouth to speak.

“I’m fine,” he smiled weakly.

“Are you sure?” Jack pressed.

“Yeah, I’m just a bit tired I guess. I’ll be fine, don’t worry,” he lied through his teeth.

“Ok well… call me if you need anything, ok?” Jack stepped towards the door with Felix, still unsure of his friend’s wellbeing.

“Ok. Have a good night you two,” he called after them.

“You too Mark,” Felix nodded and gave him a friendly smile before closing the door after Jack.

If the smile was meant to be comforting, it didn’t work.

He went to bed early that night.

He didn’t get much sleep. 

\-----

The music blared from the speakers and it’s the first time in months that Mark was actually happy. Wade and Molly had just gotten married and everyone was on the floor, dancing away to celebrate the couple.

The party began to dwindle down and the atmosphere had calmed considerably after a slow track had been put on. The DJ had invited all couples to join the bride and groom in the last dance of the evening.

Mark stood off to the side of the floor, slightly swaying back and forth with the tempo. The lights have been dimmed, leaving only the colored stage lights to fill the room with their ambient glow.

Soft swathes of purple and pink hues flowed over the couples. Mark’s eyes strayed to one couple in particular: Jack and Felix. Still going strong after all this time and Mark was still trying to find peace with it.

He sighed to himself. He looked at Jack and wondered how he would feel under his hands, dancing with him like this.

The slow timbre of the song panged in Mark’s chest, he could feel the bass subtly shake him to the core.

Maybe it was because he didn’t know what to do with himself, or maybe it was the song that spurred on his heart, but when Jack and Felix had ambled over his way, he didn’t even think twice before tapping Felix on the shoulder.

“Might I cut in for a turn?” he asked much more smoothly than he felt.

“Are you sure?” Felix asked teasingly, though his eyes showed sincerity in his question.

“Hey, I’m not that bad of a dancer,” Jack laughed.

“I think I can handle it,” Mark answered earnestly.

Felix spun Jack around and stepped aside to let Mark lead.

Mark’s hand found Jack’s and he rested the other on Jack’s hip like it was the most natural thing in the world.

They swayed away from Felix and when Mark looked at him over Jack’s shoulder, he gave him a small nod in gratitude.

Felix’s face was shaded with guilt, but he nodded back.

He knew that Mark needed this, but whether he’ll end up better or worse for it neither of the men could tell.

Mark knew how fragile his heart is, but maybe if he could have just this one moment with Sean, it would be enough. Maybe it would be enough to stop it from breaking entirely.

“Mark are you ok?”

Mark looked at Sean and could feel his breath be taken away.

Under the glowing lights, Sean’s eyes darkened to a deep sapphire blue, his features softened and impeccable. He seemed to glitter and Mark never wanted to stop looking at him.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?” he asked hushedly.

“You look like you’re going to cry,” Sean whispered.

“Ah,” Mark said. That explained why Sean’s image was so shimmery. “You know me, these kinds of things get me choked up.”

He looked at Wade and Molly. “I’m just really happy for them.”

He wasn’t lying, he was incredibly proud and happy for them, but it intermingled with the painful heartache Sean unknowingly caused him. Thick tears pooled in his eyes, but he refused to let any of them fall in front of Sean.

The two moved perfectly in sync and he didn’t want to ruin this moment by making it all about him. This isn’t about him.

He wanted this to be _them_.

They were so close, so warm and Mark wanted so badly to cry at how perfect Sean’s hand fit in his.

Sean moved away from him and Mark’s heart dropped until Sean wrapped his arms around his shoulders, pressing them closer. He leaned his head against the side of Mark’s.

“You’ll be ok, right?” he whispered.

Mark tugged Sean closer, enveloping him in a tight hug. He could only nod, his throat too tight to speak without falling apart.

His heart so hurt much, it was begging him to stop. He was tearing himself apart, wanting to be with Sean like this, but knowing it wouldn’t last. He could feel his heart thumping heavily, punishing him for doing this.

He trembled and held on to Sean tightly, too afraid to look at him and too afraid to let go.

They stumbled over their feet a little, their position too close to move much, but they swayed together, not minding, not caring.

_“You’ll be ok,”_ Sean whispered so quietly Mark wondered if he imagined it.

Mark took in a shuddery breath to try to calm himself.

He felt Sean’s firm warm body in his arms.

He could hear him faintly breathe in and out in his ear, even with the deep notes of the song being strung out.

He caught a whiff of his cologne and his own natural scent that ran underneath.

He will burn every part of this moment into his memory.

If this is the closest he’d ever be with the man he loved, he’s not going to let a single second slip through his fingers.

He’d never forgive himself if he lost this too.

He carefully extracted himself from Sean’s arms and found his hand again. He stepped back a little and raised his arm, spinning Sean around slowly.

Sean was ethereal with the way the lights delicately painted his smiling face.

Mark couldn’t help but smile with him and for a moment, he was happy. Finally, for a split second, he believed he was happy.

Then the song ended.

And everyone cheered for the couples on the floor.

Their cheers only registered as a dull roar to Mark’s ears.

Almost robotically, he escorted Jack back to Felix. He thanked them for the dance.

He told them he was going to head back to the hotel. He said he wasn’t feeling too well.

It wasn’t entirely a lie.

He walked over to Molly and Wade. He congratulated them again and hugged them.

He said his goodbyes. The party was over.

The dance was over.

He left.

_\-----_

He dropped himself on the hotel bed, not bothering to change out of his suit.

He grasped for the remote, flipping on the TV. He didn’t care what was on, he just needed some background noise to focus on or he might go insane with how the slow song looped over and over in his head.

How could he let this happen? Why did he insist on violently twisting the knife that was stuck in his heart?

He wanted to beg someone, anyone, to tell him when this pain will stop, when he’ll be ok again.

He shuddered and trembled and the tears came rushing out and everything he’d held inside this whole time came pouring out and he didn’t hold anything back.

He cried out, curling into a pillow, desperately searching for comfort that was nowhere in reach.

His hands clenched into tight fists. Who did this to him? Who was responsible?

He wanted someone to blame, he wanted someone to hate. He wanted to hate himself, he wanted to hate Felix, he wanted to hate-

No.

No, that wasn’t right at all. He couldn’t blame anyone because really, how was this anyone’s fault?

_Felix knew how you felt_ , a nasty little part of him piped up. _He knew, but he still stayed. If he just minded his own business and left Jack alone, you could have had Jack all to yourself. This is all Felix’s fault. Fuck him._

“...No..” Mark rasped to himself. He shook his head from the awful thought. Felix was a good friend. He loved Sean just as much as Mark did. He just took a chance where Mark didn’t.

It wasn’t Felix’s fault that Sean loved him back.

He heaved and gasped while tears and snot streamed down his face, the force of his sorrow doubling him over as he wept and wept and wept.

He cried until his head ached and his throat was scratched raw, his loud sobs finally dwindled down to hiccupy breaths and shuddery sniffles.

He grimaced at the snot smeared pillow but didn’t bother getting a new one. He wanted to wallow just a little bit longer.

With his misery now purged, he briefly wondered if the room next door had heard him, but he couldn’t care less at the moment.

He slowly uncurled himself and got up from the bed, fetching himself a bottle of water. He slowly sipped his drink as he sank down into the bed again, turning his glazed eyes to the TV.

Some cartoon was playing, he didn’t really remember what it was called, something about a universe?

A woman had begun to sing and Mark listened with vague interest.

 

_I was fine with the men_  
_Who would come into her life now and again_  
_I was fine, cause I knew_ _  
That they didn't really matter until you_

 

His interest piqued and he leaned in a little closer, raising the volume just a bit.

  
_I was fine when you came_  
_And we fought like it was all some silly game_  
_Over her, who she'd choose_ _  
After all those years, I never thought I'd lose_

 

Mark’s breath hitched.

  
_It's over, isn't it?_  
_Isn't it?_  
_Isn't it over?_  
_It's over, isn't it?_  
_Isn't it?_  
_Isn't it over?_  
_You won, and she chose you_  
_And she loved you_  
_And she's gone_  
_It's over, isn't it?_  
_Why can't I move on?_

 

He didn’t realize he was creeping closer to the television until he found himself sat right in front of it, riveted to the screen.

Everything that he felt was being sung out on TV by a cartoon character and he didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry some more. It was kind of ridiculous how coincidental it was, but he felt just a sprig of comfort knowing he wasn’t alone in this situation, even if she happened to be fictional.

  
_Who am I now in this world without her?_  
_Petty and dull, with the nerve to doubt her_  
_What does it matter? It's already done_  
_Now I've got to be there for her son_  
  
_It's over, isn't it?_  
_Isn't it?_  
_Isn't it over?_  
_It's over, isn't it?_  
_Isn't it?_  
_Isn't it over?_  
_You won, and she chose you_  
_And she loved you_  
_And she's gone_  
_It's over, isn't it?_  
_Why can't I move on?_

 

He sang along, even if his voice was a bit croaky.

  
_“It's over, isn't it?_ _  
_ _Why can't I move on?”_

 

The song ended and Mark wearily got up from where he sat.

He opened the door to the balcony and took a seat out on the patio, pulling his knees up to his chest.

He pulled out his phone and found the song easily. He saved it. He’d delete it someday, but he wanted to keep it close for now.

A fresh breeze wafted by and he took in a deep breath as he gazed out on the city streets.

He sat there for a while. He felt a little calmer, a little bit more settled out here.

He quietly hummed the song’s tune to himself before going back inside.

He took the time to get undressed before burrowing under the covers. He hugged his snot pillow close and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

_\-----_

“Hey Mark, can I talk to you about something?”

Mark glanced up from his book. “Yeah sure, what's up?”

“So you know how Felix and I have been together for a while?” Jack sat down next to him on the couch.

“Yeah? Is it your anniversary?” Mark asked.

“No, it’s just that I’ve been thinking… maybe it was time that I moved in with him.”

“Why’s that?” Mark asked before he could stop himself.

“Well… we’ve been together for like what? Almost two years? It’s just logically the next step in our relationship.”

“Does Felix know about this?”

“Yeah, of course, I talked to him about this,” Jack smiled. “He was a little unsure because he said he didn’t want to leave you here all by yourself. Which was a good point because with how you’ve been lately, I’ve been kinda on the fence about-”

“How I’ve been lately? Wh-What do you mean by that?” Mark asked, his voice raising slightly.

“Hey,” Jack raised his hands placatingly, “I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just something that I’ve noticed for a while.”

“Yeah? How long of a while?” He asked defensively.

“You’ve been kinda… distant since we came back from Wade’s wedding. Maybe even a little bit before that. I didn’t want to say anything because I thought you needed space and that when you wanted to talk about what was bothering you, you’d eventually come around to it.”

Mark mulled over Jack’s words. Maybe he'd been giving him a cold shoulder but he didn't think Jack would care. A sick and petty part of him felt pleased that Jack had noticed.

“It’s really not that big of a deal, but it’s got me worried about you. Are you sure there isn’t anything you wanna talk about?”

“No. I’m fine, it doesn’t matter now anyway,” Mark muttered.

“Don’t say that Mark. Obviously, it does matter if it’s gotten you upset-”

“I’m not upset ok?! I don’t need you to worry about me! It’s fine!” Mark snapped at him.

Mark bristled at Jack’s silence as he tried to unclench his fists. He was strung tight and his jaw almost hurt with how hard he was gritting his teeth.

“Mark…” He almost flinched at how soft Jack’s voice was. “I worry because I care about you. You’re my best friend and I’m not gonna leave you high and dry if you need help working something out.”

Jack reached out and gingerly placed a hand on top of Mark’s fist.

“You matter to me, Mark.” He gently massaged his fist until it relaxed. It laid loose in Jack’s hold.

“I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.”

Mark turned his hand in Jack’s so that they were properly holding hands.

He swallowed the dry lump in his throat.

He trembled.

He could feel the words ready to spill over his lips.

And he couldn't stop them from flowing out.

“I love you.”

His whole body prickled.

Was it supposed to do that?

He couldn’t feel Jack’s hand in his anymore.

He couldn’t feel much of anything at all actually.

The silence was deafening.

It numbed his ears.

“Mark.”

Was that Sean?

Did he just say something?

Why did he sound so far away?

“Hey."

Mark startled as Sean gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

His head felt a little more clear, but it didn’t do anything for the prickly numbing that he felt everywhere.

“Thank you for telling me, Mark. Thank you for being honest.”

Mark turned to look at him.

Jack was focused on a spot on the floor, his face tinged with the palest of pinks.

He seemed as lost as Mark had felt.

“I’m sorry,” Mark swallowed shakily. “I know it’s not what you wanted to hear.”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything Mark,” Jack shook his head fervently, “I just… wasn’t expecting that, I guess. “

He took a moment to collect his thoughts.

“I guess I’m just…. I want to be honest with you, but I don’t think this is the best time for it-”

“Tell me.”

“Mark…”

“Tell. Me.”

“It’ll hurt you, Mark. It’ll hurt you even more.”

“Don’t care.”

“I do.”

…

“I need to hear it. Please. Tell me.”

Jack wrung his hands. He wouldn’t meet Mark’s eyes.

“Sean… _please_.”

He lifted his eyes to Mark’s and his heart nearly broke.

Mark was devastated.

Red-rimmed eyes with pools of tears threatening to spill over any second.

Crushed. Defeated.

Barely holding it together.

Sean felt stupid for being near tears himself when he was the one causing the pain.

“Mark I’m so sorry. I-” Sean swallowed the lump in his throat and started again.

“I loved you too. I did. But I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same. So I moved on,” Sean held himself, clutching his arms. “And then at the carnival I… on the ferris wheel, I finally figured it out. But by then, it was too late.”

The prickling feeling covered Mark’s entire body now.

“You knew? All this time?”

“...Yeah,” Jack’s hushed voice strained to reach Mark’s ears.

The rays of the white sun slipped through the blinds and caught specks of dust as they floated by.

Mark stared unblinkingly at them.

He felt like he could suffocate on the stifling silence that hung thick in the air.

He can’t remember a single time where it had been this quiet in their home.

It unsettled him greatly.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Jack’s voice trembled.

Mark shook his head as he wiped his face. “Not your fault.”

They stayed there for a long time, both of them unsure of what to do.

But then Mark slowly stood up, startling Jack.

He began to walk to his room but paused just before he left the living room.

“I’ll help you move. Just tell me when.”

He left to his room before Jack could say anything else.

\-----

After their… talk, they avoided each other for nearly two weeks. Jack spent almost all of his time at Felix’s place and the times that he was home, Mark would duck into his room until he left again.

It was childish but what else could they do? Neither of them had the faintest clue of how to handle this.

Mark’s broken heart had clouded his mind and his senses, leaving him curled into his pillow.

He really thought he had lost Jack forever and it had shattered him.

And when he was at his lowest, he always replayed the song he heard on the hotel tv.

Then he decided to actually watch the whole episode since he missed big chunks of it when he first encountered it.

He watched it, but the ending struck a chord with him.

As much as it hurt knowing Jack didn’t feel the same for him anymore, he still loved him as a friend.

They loved each other so much for so many years and their friendship was more than enough for Mark.

This pain is excruciating but it will pass.

And Mark will not it erase their bond.

With a hope-tinged heart, he decided to talk to Jack.

\-----

Eventually, they ran into each other in the kitchen. Quite literally, Jack had crashed into Mark, spilling his drink on him.

After a hasty and awkward apology, he grabbed napkins to help clean him up only to involuntarily snort when he saw the stain on Mark’s pants.

It looked like he pissed his pants.

Mark quickly caught on and let out a little giggle despite himself.

That’s all it took for the floodgates to open and the two of them chortled and cackled weeks worth of stress away.

When they finally calmed down, Mark spoke before the air became awkward again.

“Jack… I’m sorry I’ve been so cold towards you and Felix. It wasn’t fair to treat you like that because of what I felt,” He held up a hand when he saw Jack was about to interrupt, “There is no excuse for it. You’ve been nothing but understanding and you didn’t deserve that.”

Mark tentatively placed his hand on Jack’s shoulder and felt him relax just a fraction.

“I also want to apologize for ignoring you this past week. It was immature of me and-”

Jack covered Mark’s hand with his own. “That was my fault too, you don’t have to apologize. I should’ve reached out sooner, but I was… scared. Not just this week, but ever since I found out, I-I should’ve said something. I guess I hoped you’d move on too, but I was just being a bad friend. A coward. I’m sorry,” he said, his eyes dimmed with sincerity.

“... I guess we were both kinda shitty, huh?” Mark replied with a small smile.

“Don’t say that,” Jack rolled his eyes. He huffed a laugh, “... but yeah we kinda were.”

A comfortable pause ensued until Jack spoke up again. “So… are we good?” he asked, his eyes betraying a hint of nervousness.

“Yeah,” Mark said softly, “we’re good.”

\-----

A month later and the last of the boxes were packed into Jack’s car.

Mark thought he was prepared for this, but the reality of it hit him harder than he expected.

Sensing this, Jack turned to him.

“I really appreciate your help, Mark. You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to. If this is what you want, then I support you.”

The bright sunny day couldn’t compare to Jack’s smile as he raised his arms for a hug.

Mark pulled him in for a strong hug and hoped that Jack knew how much he meant to him.

“You’ll be ok,” Jack whispered and Mark had a fleeting moment of deja vu.

“I will,” Mark whispered back. He held him tighter.

They finally let go of each other and Mark walked Jack to his car to see him off.

When his car was no longer in sight, Mark trudged back home.

He slowly let himself inside and slumped against the front door.

The house had never felt emptier.

\-----

After about a month, Mark got used to the once unsettling silence.

He considered moving to another place, a smaller one, but the idea didn’t really appeal to him yet.

He knew it wasn’t healthy to surround himself with reminders of Sean, but if he moved to a new place…

He’d just miss him more.

Not that they didn’t see each other anymore, but visits are different from actually living together.

Hanging out, calls and texts. They’re never enough for Mark.

He sighed, turning over in bed. He never seemed to get as much sleep as he’d like to these days.

He caught the shiny, beady eye of the stuffed shark Sean gave him all that time ago.

He wondered if Sean had kept the prize he had won for him. He’d have to ask him tomorrow.

He reached out to the plush shark and tugged it close.

It didn’t smell like Sean or the carnival anymore.

He woke the next morning with no memory of falling asleep, but a single phrase lingered in his mind.

_“It’s over, isn’t it?”_

Mark was still clutching the shark.

For Sean it was. But not for Mark.

Not yet.

 

\-----

**Author's Note:**

> jsyk when I was writing the dancing scene I had Slow Dancing In The Dark on loop, so I was full on sobbing as I wrote it. But anyways! Thanks for reading!! If you have any suggestions on how I can improve, please comment and let me know!!


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